SC: Isn’t personhood or ego also Existence? Didn’t Existence create the ego?

Mahaprabu: No, Nabarthanmai (personhood) is not Existence. It is a wrong piece of information that your brain has. Whether you believe in this information or don’t believe it, is Existence affected? No. You see, if there was a link between the two, then if nabarthanmai (personhood or ego) was affected, Existence should also be affected. Right!

Take the case of a child. There is no ego there. Isn’t the child existing? Existence has created the brain and the ability to think. What was thought by that brain is not Existence. I’ll ask it another way. All food comes from where? The earth, soil. Then eat soil then. Will you? Even though food comes from mud, you can’t eat mud. What you are saying is like this. Ego came from the ability to think, which came from Existence, but there is no relationship, there is no equivalency between Ego and Existence, just as there is no equivalence between soil and food. This example is not exactly logical, but it is given to show equivalence, not relevance. Normally your mind will think logically and try to match the example. But see how Brahmam is giving (referring to Mahaprabu talking) an example that is not exactly a logical fit, but it has an impact on your mind. You have to go beyond logic. Food is there because of soil, but you can’t treat soil as food. Ego is there because of Existence, but you can’t treat Existence as Ego. So erase this question of ‘What is my purpose’. Body, Brain, Process of thinking are all created by Existence. Except for thani nabar thanmai (ego or personhood).

I’ll say it another way. You cannot separate the brain from Existence. You cannot separate the bones from Existence. There is integrity between the soul, body, brain, and thinking process. It is total integration. If you remove the ego, will the integrity be affected? No. But take out the thinking process or brain and the integrity will be lost. Taking the ego out has no effect. You see that it doesn’t belong. This shows that Ego is not part of Existence. So you can’t assume that Ego is Existence.

SC: I get this notion because it is the Leela (play) of Existence to lose itself. That’s why I get this idea.

Once again a pause from Mahaprabu.
If you look deeply, you will see that all your attempts are to keep trying to understand Existence with your mind. But how Existence is, is that the only way to experience it is to BE, (Iruppu). Not think. To put it another way, Fragrance is something that can be experienced only by Smell. But you keep on trying to experience Smell by touching. Then you say, I am not able to touch the smell of the rose.

SC: Wow!! I’m using the wrong tool.

Mahaprabu: Will any book give you this example? No. IT is giving.
So, you see how your mind is continuously trying to understand Existence, even without you knowing it. Write it down somewhere. “I cannot touch the smell of the rose.” Someone has to tell you, ‘Raja, you cannot understand Existence’. All your efforts are a total waste. The minute you stop trying to understand it what do you think will happen?

SC: Thinking will stop.

Mahaprabu: Yes, so what will be the result? What will you feel?

SC: (after struggling a bit to envision what would happen when thinking stopped) Peace.
Mahaprabu: Here you come!! What will you feel? Peace! Now, what is missing right now? Peace! So now you know that once you stop the thinking process you will be at peace. But you are holding on to the thinking process for what? PEACE!!! You yourself are taking yourself down the wrong route. It is a habit. It will drag you whenever you are unaware. First, for now accept that your thinking habit drags you. Like you are affected by a kind of disease. So the next time it drags you into trying to figure out Existence, suddenly when you remember that you have been dragged, where will you be? A few steps down. Again and again keep remembering and you will come back to where you should be. Just remembering will bring you back. You don’t need any effort to come back.

Here is another example: A teenager is walking on the road. A teenage girl is drying clothes on the terrace. He looks at her but suddenly sees her father, a police inspector, also sitting on that terrace reading a newspaper. Whenever he lowers the newspaper, the boy will turn away from the girl, correct? Just the father’s presence is enough for him to turn away. See, he would have put a lot of effort to see the girl. But to turn away does he put any effort? No. It happens automatically as he is ever alert about the father, even while watching the girl. Similarly, if you are alert, as soon as you remember, you will stop thinking. So continuously try to be watchful. But you will forget. Just like the father will forget about the boy while reading some interesting news article. What I’m saying is that the effort is there only when it drags you away. It does it slowly. But once you are alert, you will come right back to the origin. Not a few steps back. Because once you are alert, you are aware, and there is no thought. So what is needed? Effort or Alertness? Alertness. So the Guru is initiating you in being alert, whenever you are missing it. What is needed is Alertness, not Effort.

Right now you are used to effort. So Alertness will still escape you. Thinking is effort, which drags you down a mile away. But the minute you become alert, you come right back to the origin. When evening comes, it starts to get dark, and eventually there is complete darkness. But when the light switch is turned on, immediately the darkness goes away. Virutti panni pazagirka, Niruthhi pazagalai. You are used to thinking. Not stopping.

I can put it another way also. Let’s say you were able to somehow figure out using the thinking process what Existence is. The moment you found it, figured it out, at that moment what will you feel?

SC: Amaidhi, Peace.

Mahaprabu: (Laughing) So then do it without going through all this thinking! It will reveal anyway. All this thinking will make you mad.

The more alert, aware, irundhu irundhu (being present) you are, the ability to not go down into a loop will increase. After a point, IT will take over. IT will do its part. Once you get to Existence, you disappear. When you have disappeared, the question (referring to my original question as to what is the purpose of man) has also disappeared. IT has no right or wrong, east-west, day-night, birth-death. You know how priceless these talks are. If you bring them into practice and experience IT, that is the greatest return.

SC: Nandri Mahaprabu.