Why our efforts fail

Recall your life. Have you not done any mistakes knowingly? Have you not hidden so many mistakes of yours from others? For all these things there will definitely be consequences. Even after coming into the so-called Spiritual Path now that we know all are God’s creations, still for example we have anger in us, tremendous anger. As we have anger in us we can do bad things easily. We are ready to fire back at so many people. We are like barbarians even in this birth. Now go back to just a few births. Imagine all the mistakes you might have done. To release us from all these mistakes, the Supreme Power has to shower its Grace. We have to become eligible for that Grace. Then we wonder why our so-called efforts fail.

Without His Grace we cannot even put effort. Avan Arulal Avan Tal Vanangi – By His Grace alone can we even worship Him. And if you ask for His Grace he will not give it immediately. He will look at your list (of all the mistakes you have committed!). Based on that he decides whether Grace can be given or not. If you are unsuccessful in your efforts such as meditation, it shows that you are unable to put the required effort, which in turn shows that you are not getting that much Grace to put that effort. And why aren’t you getting that much Grace? Because your list is huge! Now you cannot demand God. So, to bring his Grace even though you have a long list, the only way is to cry from your heart: ‘O God, knowingly or unknowingly I have done so many things. please release me; please forgive me.’ Only by crying, crying and crying will his heart melt. He will at least take your file from the shelf and leave it on the table. He will wait. After a while he will look in your direction. Is there a crying sound coming or not. Only when your crying sound pierces his heart, when you are at the edge of do or die, meaning ‘If you do not give me your Grace I will die’, only then will he open your file and sign – ‘Ok. Excused, Release him!’ Once he shows Grace, everything will happen.

Do you know the effect of his Grace? His Grace is such that without putting any effort you will attain Enlightenment. At that time alone you will realize that it was NOT your effort, but it was always his Grace. That is why all Jnanis sing His praise alone. Then what is the meaning of effort? That is for your ego. It believes in effort. But we have no choice but to begin with the ego. If you don’t see progress, remind yourself that the effort is not enough because Grace hasn’t showered. The control switch is in His hand. You have done so many sins knowingly, and you are asking for Godliness. How is it possible? You should deserve Grace. We should demolish the hard rock-like structure you have built over births. How? By crying for forgiveness. Beg, “O Lord I know I have sinned, but I have a tremendous desire for Godliness. I want to live with you alone. I need you alone. Do whatever you want to do to me, punish me, but give me a place on your feet.” This should be your state. Then the doors of Grace will open.

Surrender in Devotion

Actually, what you want to realize and feel is the flow of Godliness, Grace. That flow is available like a ductless gland. Similarly, there is a ductless connection with God. But the ‘i’ in you, hard like a rock is a block to that flow. And that makes you very uncomfortable and suffer. That is why I recommend Surrender. When you are in total Surrender to the Supreme Power, you know that nothing is in your hands, then you cannot have your own ideas, your likes and dislikes, your own plans. You did not create this world. You did not create this body. Everything is happening in IT’s movement. So what can you do? Surrender to it. Practicing Surrender moment to moment is the only thing you can do. As and when things happen, good or bad you will hand it over to God. Since all is his will. This will bring Godliness into you more and more. This is the way to break the chain of thoughts that have hardened like a rock. See, it takes tremendous strength to break that rock. To go from here (the notion of i) to There (Godliness) is extremely difficult. Your ‘i’ will not let you go there. Your own mental makeup will prevent you from making progress. To break this rock that has hardened over many many births we need tremendous strength. A very easy way to gain that strength is devotion. And as your Devotion increases, you will see that these are rocks made of ice, and they will melt quickly in the heat of your devotion. When you Cry in devotion, that strength will come to you. The more you Cry, the more strength will come like a heavy flood. Any rocks will be melted.

Even Jnanis cry for Grace

That is why even Jnanis cry for Grace. The great Advaitin, Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi is saying Gandhamum irumbum pol kavarndhu idai vidamal yennodu irrupai Arunachala – Like a magnet and iron filing attracted to it, please do not separate me from you. And Serayenil, mei neera uzhugi kanneratraziven Arunachala – If you do not reach me, I will die crying. These are the words of Bhagavan. No one highlights them. Everyone talks about Self-Enquiry when they mention Bhagavan. When Bhagavan used to read the Bhagavad Gita he would often have tears in his eyes. He would cry. Why? Out of devotion. These incidents are recorded.

The great Paramahamsa sang so many songs of love towards the divine Mother, with tears flowing from his eyes. The very mention of the Mother’s name would bring tears to his eyes. All this is recorded.

Look at the songs of great saints Vallalar, Manickavasagar, Thayumanavar. Their songs are nothing but outpourings of their hearts melting in devotion towards the Supreme.

And is there a Jnani who never sang the praise of his Guru? No. They know, that it was the Guru’s grace that freed them, not their self-effort. They know this.

Trying vs. Crying – Self Effort vs. Surrender in Devotion

In today’s world it is not that hard to make a comfortable living to meet all your basic needs as a Person. This leads to inertia, which will prevent you from going inside. Where is the incentive to investigate who you are? What is the need? Life keeps you busy till the end. You will live and die as a Person, somewhat comfortably. In such times it is extremely difficult to self-motivate oneself to step out of the illusion and discover the reality. But even in such times, Devotion and the attitude of Surrender can surely be practiced.

[Then Sri Mahaprabu went on to compare the two paths in detail.]

Through devotion, in each and every moment you will be in peace. With self-effort when you will taste IT is a big question.

In devotion, there is no chance for you to miss the path. But with self-effort, you are likely to miss the path again and again.

In self-effort, you are going to do it, and as you are responsible, victory and defeat are in your hand. The ego in you will choose what it wants and be comfortable. But in devotion, you will not choose. You will beg for Grace, beg for victory.

You might get an experience, a glimpse after prolonged self-effort. It takes tremendous discipline to not stop there and to go past it. Your ego might cheat you into believing you now have some powers. Whereas in devotion, this risk is not there, as you have totally surrendered all efforts to him. You will be full of gratitude as you know that it was He who gave you the experience. You will love Him even more.

In self-effort, darshan is not guaranteed. After a point you will leave it easily and live with it. Because the decision to continue or drop is with you! You will be cheated easily. But in devotion you will not give up that easily. You will be frustrated but as you know it is definitely in God’s hand (everything is His) you will keep on asking.

For self-effort to succeed, it takes a type of strong person with a good character. Think of a highly devious person sitting for meditation. Will he be at peace to begin with? But devotion on the other hand is open to all. Even the worst sinners have become the greatest devotees and Jnanis.

In day-to-day situations self-effort is very difficult to remember and practice. Try remembering ‘All is Brahmam only, when someone yells at you, or when your wife gives you an angry look.’ You will instantly react as an individual. Devotion is very easy to practice in day-to-day situations. It is very easy to Love God. For example, imagine a boy who is in love. No matter where he is, he can think about his beloved and be lost in her. Thoughts of her come to him naturally, whether he is at work, or in the playground, before going to bed, immediately on waking, when he sees someone like her… If this can be achieved with a mere human, can it not be possible to have this relationship with the Greatest Lover, the Creator of all that you see including you, the Creator who continuously gives and gives to all his beings?

It is like this: You are on the steps. You have to reach the top. You can either Try or Cry. By Trying to climb the steps, there is a lot of risk. You might fall down, or fall backward any time. Also you don’t know how many steps there are to reach the top. Your mind has to put tremendous effort to keep climbing.

But when you totally Surrender to God, forgetting yourself totally, when you Cry for his Grace, hearing you He will come down the steps to you. What better way is there? And if he doesn’t come, since you have surrendered to his Will, and you know He exists for sure, you will wait. You will cry. He gives you the strength. One day or the other his Grace will shower upon you.

Actually you are not. He is behind you. It belongs to Him. Is there any difficulty to surrender all His belongings to Him. The ‘i’ that is binding you is the disease. The very problem you are trying to solve is this ‘i’. It is a very strong and worst disease. You have to forget yourself. In self-effort, you the ‘i’ putting in the effort will be there continuously. But just by thinking of God, who created everything that we see including ourselves, you can forget yourself. That is why Ramakrishna Paramahamsa said, ‘he who sheds tears just by hearing the name of God is the best devotee and is qualified for enlightenment.’ It is possible to develop that kind of devotion. We should make this possible in us. That is the only way you can forget yourself. And that alone is needed.

Practical Application

This is why we sing devotional songs. The heart can melt easily as you sing. Even if you don’t know the meaning, no problem. Just the feeling is enough. It will melt several blocks in you. These are all songs written by great Jnanis. Their presence is here in Satsang with us when we sing them. I can feel them. They are lining up one by one. [Each time Sri Mahaprabu picks a song from a book, he seems to become that. For example when he sings from Thiruvasagam, his tone, the style of singing, all take the form of singing that happened in that era. He even says as much. ‘Manickavasagar is singing. Nothing is in my hands.’ And when he sings from Sri Paramahamsa’s Gospel it is a totally different effect that we see. It is mesmerizing. Tears flow invariably].

When Mahaprabu was in his college years, daily morning after bath and lighting the lamp he would sing at least two songs. With full devotion. Tears will flow every time. No exception. Only then he would leave for college. In later years also, he would sing in front of the Annamalayar shrine. He would cry for Grace and sing, never for once bothered about who was around him.

As you melt in devotion, then when you sit for Dhyanam (meditation) you will enter into it effortlessly. It is like priming the pump you know. Before pumping water out of the ground, they first pour a little bit of water into the pump and give it a few hard pushes. Then the water starts to flow easily. Similarly, start with devotion. Try it and see for yourself. [SC thinking: It is the only way I can meditate anymore.] Or if you cannot sing, practice Omkaram (chanting of Om). And don’t chant mechanically. Om is the sound of God. Chant it with love. You are welcoming the Supreme Power. Then what should be the quality of that chant? Give it everything you have. For at least 15 to 30 minutes you must chant. Then you can easily glide into meditation. [During Satsang we often do Omkaram with Sri Mahaprabu. It is nearly impossible to keep up with his level of chanting but we try. It has a tremendous effect on the meditation that follows immediately. An hour goes by without much notice.]

So when you melt in devotion by singing or chanting, meditation comes to you easily. Because God is with you now. And what is it you are seeking? God! So he will take care of you. You don’t need to do anything. Instead what people are doing? OK. It is 6 o’clock. I am going to sit and meditate. You start with a technique. And you expect things to happen. As though God was waiting for you to start. (Laughing).

[For a few samples of singing during Satsang with Mahaprabu, please click here]