Background
By now it is abundantly clear that the ego, or false sense of self, or an idea that I am a person identified with this body (all mean the same) is the barrier to realizing our true nature. This mix-up of taking ourselves to be a separate entity, one that is entirely fabricated by thought, is the biggest mistake. Realizing this mistake and coming out of it once and for all is Enlightenment. Instead of Self-Realization we should call it Mistake-Realization! says Sri Mahaprabu. In this talk, he points out clearly the only way the Ego can die. Which is Surrendering at the feet of the Master. That too a living Master.
The Fundamentals
As is usually his style, Sri Mahaprabu started describing the problem by assigning variables to entities, like building an equation, even instructing me as to how to visualize this. He was driving to Thiruvannamalai when this conversation happened. Before that he said this, referring to how things work with him: ‘When Cit sees Sat, at those times it will come out as words. If it goes towards Ananda then only silence reigns. It will switch off. No words. So the time to capture these words is when Cit is talking about Sat… Before it goes off into Ananda.’
Take X to be Atma. It is enmeshed in so many records or vasanas over so many births. Call that R. The Ego drives it in this birth. Call it Y. It is the nature of Y to act, resulting in so many Karmas. Call that Z. All actions have results. Call it W. Some actions have positive consequences and some have negative consequences, where positive and negative are just relative. All this is just for your understanding at this stage.
Y, ego cannot stay still. It must act: Z. Actions result in their fruit at some point. The consequences A and B are life. We live in consequences, reacting to them, and performing more actions. That’s why Bhagavad Gita says, Karmanyeva Adhikaraste Ma phaleshu kadachana.. Your right is to effort only. Not the fruit.
Why is the ego Y forced to act? Due to desires. Where do they stem from? From the Records R, the Vasanas. In fact the Records become Y. The ego Y can’t stay still. Its food is activity. Right now for you, Y is being totally controlled by R. You are helpless. That is why the Master is needed. He destroys your vasanas by bringing them up and you surrender it, by dropping them as they come. As you progress you start dropping without even asking. Like if you hold a really hot vessel, you won’t ask should I put it down. If you surrender 100% you can cross A & B and W.
The Ego dies only in Surrender
Then Y will still ask, what to do?
Just the understanding you are gaining at each drop is enough. Y will want to know, when will it attain. When it happens it happens.
Remember: Dhyanam (Meditation) etc. are NOT sadhana. They are for your time pass! Because the ego still lives there in those practices. Surrender is the Sadhana. That is the Tapas. The ego dies only there. Constantly remind yourself: I have taken a strong decision to surrender to my Guru. To do whatever he asks me to do, without raising any objections. Stay in that mode.
Surrender is the only way
There is only one way. Only in Surrender will the mind turn off. It is a murder of the mind but like a suicide. Only in Surrender you can keep on putting off the fire. Look at any Guru. If his disciple had attained Jnana you can be 100% sure that he (the disciple) had surrendered to the Guru. This is why Bhagavan famously said: ‘Everyone indeed wants to attain moksha, but when I say “Give yourself unto me” they are unwilling to comply. Then how will moksha be attained?’ These were the words written by Annamalai Swami in his diary. See what a disciple Annamalai Swami was. He totally, unconditionally surrendered to Bhagavan and did whatever Bhagavan asked him to do. For 10 years he mostly did construction work. But what did he come to Bhagavan for? Enlightenment, Sadhana. But see who got Enlightened in the end and who all did not. So many people who consider themselves great devotees of Bhagavan ended up as devotees or speakers. Why? Because exactly like Bhagavan said. They did not Surrender at the feet of the Master.
The reason is, their minds don’t want to surrender their ego. It keeps growing. Mind is like a continuously burning fire. It can burn up more and more with just a small spark, a small wind. Such a thing will not allow you to turn it off. Surrender to a living Jnani is the only way because he guides you and makes it happen.
Surrendering to a dead Jnani vs. living Jnani
Surrendering to a dead Jnani is like beating a dead snake. You don’t need courage. It is meaningless. Surrendering to a living Jnani is like beating a live snake. You need tremendous courage. You need guts to risk losing yourself.
SC: But isn’t there a benefit to praying to Jnanis even if they have left the body?
Mahaprabu: Yes, that prayer is important and is necessary. Let me explain the deep mechanism of these things.
When you pray and pray, over time those thoughts get embedded in the Brahma Sakthi that is underlying you. You are sowing the seeds. It is like an auto-suggestion. Prarthanai or Prayer is nothing but sowing the seeds in your own land. Those thoughts will keep sprouting and they turn into actions, results. You will attribute it to God’s grace, think it is Bhagavan’s grace. Let me explain this in depth.
Case 1: Someone who doesn’t know anything about Spirituality, God, etc.
Take someone who doesn’t know anything, zero about Bhakti, Jnana, etc. But he has a strong value system, a strong willpower that he should live in a righteous way, and deeply wants to live that way. That itself will make it happen. Because he is sowing those thoughts deep down into that same Brahma Sakthi, Iswara Sakthi. This happens only when someone earnestly wants it. Not just a whim. Yes, the ego is the one that desires to be a certain way, yet who is behind it? The Iswara Sakthi, without which the ego can’t function. So what he desires will happen. Might happen now, later or after very long. Depends on the depth of the liking. When it happens, there will be a result, an effect. That effect will be either Happiness or Sadness. What decides that? Ego does not know about Iswara Sakthi. Yet if the ego desires something and it results in happiness or sadness How?
The nature of Iswara Sakthi is one of compassion. So, if the result is one that doesn’t harm him or others, and rather helps him or others, it will result in Happiness and it will be long-lasting. Because IT loves all, not just him. Or if it has harm to him or others, it will bring sadness. Initially he might be happy, but because it has affected others and they went into sadness, they will all react, since it is the same Iswara Sakti in them. Those reactions will reach him and his happiness won’t last. Instead, if the result was one of good for him and others, then the happiness will be long-lasting. But since he is affected by sadness, after a few attempts he will realize and automatically make effort to be better.
Over time, this type of person will start to see the pattern and learn to desire things that are good for him and for others. So you see, how by just trial and error the mechanism can make a person like him move toward God. But this trial and error is a very difficult path since he might not have the mental strength to stick with it. He can easily get distracted by happiness or sadness and succumb to destruction.
Case 2: Same as above but he does it with Prayer.
What is Prayer? Is it not a request, a desire for something? It is the exact same mechanism, where you are sowing the seeds. It starts from you alone. Because the Iswara Sakthi is here and now. In you. The difference here is that it is a bit easier since you are putting the burden on God. And as his prayers seem to get answered he will attribute it to God, but when it does not get answered he will attribute that to God also. In Case 1, when things don’t happen, he will try alternate methods. Which might fail, but if they succeed he will get arrogant. In prayer, there will be humility.
So Case 2 and Case 1 are the same mechanism. Just the method is different. Case 2 has a more success rate.
Case 3: Surrendering to a dead Jnani.
You pray to a dead Jnani. Certain prayers are answered. There is a chance that your ego strengthens. Yes or No? Will the Jnani come down and correct it? Also there is no guarantee that you will always remember every prayer that was answered. You might forget the Jnani’s help in the future as your prayers get answered. A dead Jnani cannot question you here, stop you here. It is a one-way street. When prayers aren’t answered, there is a good chance the devotee can get demotivated, even depressed.
Case 4: Surrendering to a living Jnani.
A real Jnani will not let that demotivation happen. He says Yes, you prayed but now you are forgetting it and going off the path thinking that you are responsible for any success. When prayers aren’t answered and you feel demotivated, a living Jnani will make you understand the wisdom of the higher power in not answering your prayers. He will remind you that It knows what is best for you.
SC: Why do people not want to come to living Jnanis?
Mahaprabu: They don’t want to take risks. They want something safe. They don’t want Jnana. They want a safe journey. It is like a beggar in Tiruvannamalai. He will be sitting there comfortably and relaxed. But compare that to a businessman, especially one starting out new. How active and busy he will be. He won’t sit for a minute. Later on, as the business grows and stabilizes, he will become relaxed. That is maturity. The beggar will want to be very comfortable always. And to help him, there are so many other beggars like him sitting relaxed. He fits right in.
When you surrender to a living Jnani, after a while he will even discourage prayer. Who is praying? One that doesn’t exist. For you to surrender, you should have no agenda at all. So then where is the place for prayer? That’s why he asks you to stop.
[Amidst this in-depth conversation, Sri Mahaprabu got a call from his workplace at the college. It is amazing how he talks to them in the same calm way but addresses them as Sir all the time. A great Brahma Jnani addressing his colleagues/superiors at work as Sir! without a trace of any pretense or being artificial.]
You see, the lesson changes as you grow. Initially prayer is good for mental strength. You can either come through Bhakti or Self-Trial and Error. The mechanism is the same. But eventually, you have to Surrender. And you can only surrender to a living Jnani.
Surrender is a Happening.
It can only Happen. There is no other way. Everything prior to that is just ‘Attempts to Surrender’. That’s why a living Jnani is important. When you think that you have Surrendered, he will show you that Surrender has not happened. (Laughing). But with a dead Jnani (or a living Ajnani) you will think you have surrendered and keep on going down that path. A Jnani can never cheat you. He is like a clean mirror. The slightest blemish on your face will be shown back to you clearly exactly like it is. This is how there is an opportunity for growth in you. Also, he is continuously watching over you. Like a farmer who watches the land after planting the seeds.
Before Surrender comes Acceptance
Eventually, Surrender will happen one day. That’s why before Surrender comes Acceptance. Before that Obedience is needed. That’s why Guru always stresses the importance of being Obedient, even for the little things he tells you. Obedience is nothing but a fraction of Surrender. Obedience trains your mind to follow the path. If you stay obedient, Acceptance will come. So Obedience is a fraction, a tiny segment of Surrender. Acceptance is a bigger segment. As you grow, it will finally end in Surrender.
Obedience is a decision taken by you. A decision to put an end. If ‘you’ are putting an end, who do you think started the journey? Only You. See, that also starts with you, aided by Iswara Sakti. Since you started the journey, the journey where you deviated (referring to the original mistake of taking myself to be a separate identity), only you can end it. This is the mechanism. That’s why a Master cannot end it for you. You have to work to come out of what you started. See how what I’m saying now (mechanism) aligns perfectly with how we started talking a while ago.
SC: That’s why you said a Master is like a pole next to a creeper.
Mahaprabu: Yes, his presence alone is enough.
A Living master will keep on telling you to put an end to the ego, to Surrender. Continuously he will stress that.
But when you try to surrender to a dead Jnani, you will imagine that you have surrendered. You will be confused.
So a living Jnani uses the in-built mechanism to push you out of it. That’s why we say
Thelivu Sri Satguru thiru meni kandal
Thelivu Sri Satguru thiru varthai kettal
Thelivu Sri Satguru thiru naamam cheppal
Thelivu Sri Guru Uru sindhitthal thaane
Just seeing the form of the Satguru brings clarity.
Just hearing the words of the Satguru brings clarity.
Just saying the name of the Satguru brings clarity.
Remembering the Satguru and thinking about him itself brings Clarity.
There is clarity when you see a Guru, listen to a Guru, say his name, or even think of Him. The difference between an ajnani and Jnani is that one is confused, and the other is clear.
SC: The notion of Doership seems to be the main block for Surrender. That I still have the energy, even to surrender.
Mahaprabu: Very true, Doership is the real problem. If you take it out, surrender will come, and then it is over. To take out Doership you need Obedience, Acceptance and Surrender. So when you practice obedience, remember that the reason you are trying is to remove Doership. That is a mature surrender. Then it will happen fast. That maturity needs to come first. You should understand this and practice Obedience for the right reason. I am doing this for my own good. When you are totally surrendered, it is the end of all kozappam – confusion. The mechanism is not confused. And whether there is confusion or not, the mechanism is unaffected and stays the same. So it means that the confusion is totally unnecessary, the confusion has no value, yet you are holding on so tightly to this kozappam. And you give it so much value, all value to this life.. Laughing. See what an unfortunate, pitiable state you are in. Aiyyo. People are holding onto something that doesn’t exist, and they don’t want to let it go. Imagine the plight. This is Maya.
Right now the car in front of me has a sticker: My Grace is Sufficient for you.That is enough. That Grace is enough to stop the confusion. So, having understood all this what do we do? Whether I go in Trial and Error or Bhakti, till you arrive at the basic mechanism this confusion will be there. So decide. I have started all this (with energy from Iswara Sakthi). I have to end it. No one else can. Guru can only keep on reminding you of this. Why are you suffering. Why don’t you stop it? He can’t stop it for you. He will not stop asking you to stop!! (laughing). Pick a single path: Be Obedient and Surrender. Your end depends on how strong your decision is. Mudivu (the result/end) is dependent on the Mudivu (decision). (Pointing out how apt that the Tamil word Mudivu has two meanings: End and Decision).
Mahaprabu is telling all this from experience. He took a strong decision: Without experiencing the Truth I have no interest in life. So let me put an end to this wish, and bring it to fruition. You also can. Do it well. Mahaprabu is with you. Love you. Love you.
With these words Sri Mahaprabu ended the call.